Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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