and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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