I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
