She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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