I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
