Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
