i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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