my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
zippers are such a cool invention
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
