She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
