I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
