they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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