Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
