Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
