First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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