You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
