Kiss
Puke
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
