I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
