a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
