are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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