I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
