Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
