We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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