I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
