I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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