Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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