you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
