Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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