im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
