Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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