Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
