He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
