Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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