Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
