I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
