hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
