Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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