hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
