now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
