fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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