I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
