Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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