someone get that fucking seahorse.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
