I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
