return my video game
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
