Can i not drive my cunt home
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
