I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
