can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
tequila makes me forget i have legs
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
