I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
