i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i dont even know how to be here
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
