i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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