Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
