I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
