I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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