..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
