there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
