i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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