See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
