His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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