Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You left your phone here
Wait...
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