i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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