sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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