god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
