Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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