My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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