you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
