You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
