You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
