Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
