I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Barsexuality is the new black.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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