dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize