i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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