So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
