Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
