Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
