my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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