god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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