Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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