I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
