I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
