I hate your face
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
