New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize