never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
