my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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