Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
