so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
