saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
