whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
