I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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